


Only Remember Him

by run_jhope_run



Category: 1PUNCH (Band), C-Clown
Genre: Family Dynamics, Kind of cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6495298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/run_jhope_run/pseuds/run_jhope_run
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barom leaves for Australia. Jaejoon tries to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Remember Him

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Only Remember Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454458) by [dokyun (kissthesea)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissthesea/pseuds/dokyun). 



> This was inspired by both Only Remember Those by persimmoans and Only Remember Me by dokyun (kissthesea).
> 
> Warning: Jaejoon says bad things about his autism which are not true.

Jaejoon kicked leaves into the air, then watched them tumble and dive, becoming brown flashes of colour. His blue coat was getting too small for him – riding up his arms as he lifted them to excitedly point out something special in the woods to everyone: his brother, his parents, and the bump under his mother’s coat. Jaejoon’s coat been Minwoo’s originally, like most of Jaejoon’s clothes, and their mother had passed it on to Jaejoon last autumn. Minwoo was six and Jaejoon only just four and a bit and both were growing far too fast for their parents’ liking.

Jaejoon picked up a stick from the ground for himself, held it in his left hand, and another, thinner stick which he shoved in Minwoo’s hand. The older boy yelped and began to cry.

Jaejoon burst into tears too, knowing he would get into trouble.

Mrs Lee was pregnant with her third son, who was due in January. She snatched the sticks from the two boys. “Jaejoon, no weapons!”

Mr Lee stepped in and comforted Jaejoon, whilst Mrs Lee turned to Minwoo. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Neither of the boys were talented in holding grudges, so after a grunted apology from Jaejoon they set about climbing a small log nearby.

~~~  
The first time Jaejoon got to hold Samuel was when his brother was two months old. Somewhat sensibly, their parents hadn’t allowed Jaejoon or Minwoo to even touch the child until now.

Jaejoon held Samuel’s heavy head as he was instructed. The baby had soft hair that tickled Jaejoon’s hand a little. It quietly stared up at Jaejoon with its big eyes, silently blowing spit bubbles with his mouth.

It was taken away from Jaejoon too soon, and plonked into Minwoo’s arms, where it immediately started crying. Jaejoon laughed in Minwoo’s face. “It likes me best.”

“Don’t call your brother ‘it’,” Mrs Lee scolded, but Mr Lee just chuckled.

Then the baby slipped.

~~~  
Surprisingly, the baby turned out the best of all of them. Well, the most neurotypical. Minwoo was diagnosed with high-functioning autism at six. So was Jaejoon, at fourteen, along with ADD. They joked Samuel was love-deprived instead, because he needed constant cuddles and attention, but it was probably true. All of their parents’ attention was on the oldest two.

Samuel was a master at aegyo. He’d learnt it in his first year at school from some especially winsome classmates, and constantly used it to his advantage, whether it was to get them all to read him a bedtime story, or to sit in the right-hand seat in the car.

He played violin /and/ piano, and was always top of his class, with nice friends and spending every Friday lunch playing football properly.

He was a perfect child.

Until one day, when he was very nearly fifteen, and he pulled Jaejoon aside on his way to the bathroom. “Joonie hyung, I need to talk to you,” he whined, effortlessly cute.

“What?” Jaejoon followed him to Samuel’s bedroom, a tiny room with blue walls, football posters and a sloping ceiling on one end.

“Not so loud,” Samuel said, shushing him. He tucked his soft, now-red hair behind his ear, exposing a huge love bite that Jaejoon ignored. Samuel seemed to realise, and pulled the neck of his t-shirt upwards. He cleared his throat. “Jaejoon, I think I’m trans.”

Whatever response Samuel wanted to get, Jaejoon didn’t give it to him. “What?” he repeated.

“As in transgender. Like–”

“Like, a girl?” Jaejoon was struggling to grasp the point Samuel was making.

“A bit.” Samuel made a lot of facial expressions while he talked. Smile, big smile, frown, making-a-face face, several types of angry. Jaejoon found it easier talking to Minwoo, because Minwoo was simple to read. He didn’t roll his eyes in thirteen different ways like Samuel, and he only used his hands to demonstrate something, rather than just waving them around in random, yet coordinated, ways, like Samuel was doing. Jaejoon tuned back into his brother. “But with me, I think I’m a bit girl, and a bit boy,” Samuel said. “I bought some girl clothes to try on...” He got up and yanked open his pyjama drawer, pulling out a small pair of white shorts and a cute pink top with sequins. “What do you think?”

Jaejoon blinked, and shook his head. “It’s too cold – it’s not summer,” he said, trying to focus on what Samuel was asking. “It was just Christmas a while ago.” They were the wrong season of clothes for Samuel – and the wrong colour for him and his hair. He rummaged around in the wardrobe and drawers for something else, but seemed dissatisfied. Huffing, he dragged Samuel into their parents’ room and sat him on the bed whilst he retrieved a pair of their mother’s leggings from somewhere. “Put them on,” he ordered. Samuel did as he was told.

When Jaejoon had finished dressing him, Samuel looked in the mirror. Over the black leggings he wore a purple skater skirt, and a hoodie on his top half. He was wearing his scruffy plimsolls from gym class, but he still looked so...

Feminine.

Jaejoon pulled playfully on one of the strings. “Do you like it?”

Samuel pulled the hood down and admired the blusher on his cheeks. “Yeah.” He twirled a little, still in awe at his transformation. “I look really hot.” He coughed. “I mean, well, you know.”

“You look really pretty,” Jaejoon supplied. “So, uh, how do you like being my sister?”

“I like it.” Samuel paused, fiddling with a thread on the hoodie, knowing Jaejoon’s limited attention span. “How do you like being back in Daegu, Joonie?” he asked.

“I hate it.” Jaejoon sighed, his nostrils flaring as he let out the breath. “I mean, I like it here with you and Minwoo and all, but I miss Seoul, and I miss Barom.”

“Do you think you’re going to move to Australia with him?”

“What, you mean eventually, or to look after his mother this time?”

Samuel shrugged. “Either.”

“No,” Jaejoon said. “It would be too hot for me.”

“Reasonable.” Samuel held out his arms. “Help me take this off; I don’t want Minwoo to know yet.”

“So you don’t want me to tell him?”

“No!” Samuel nearly shouted. He winced when he saw Jaejoon flinch. “Sorry,” he said.

Jaejoon gave him a bright beam, unfazed. “Loud and clear.”

~~~  
Jaejoon debated phoning Barom. The older man would probably be sleeping, though, and he didn’t want to wake him.

He sent a quick text. How’s everything in Australia? Barom could reply in the morning.

Less than a minute later there was a reply: Can we phone instead?

So much for not waking him up. Jaejoon pressed the call button on his phone, and sat up on his bed, pressing it to his ear.

“Hey.” It was like Barom was here, in Jaejoon and Minwoo’s old bedroom, lying on the bed next to him. Jaejoon began setting out pillows next to himself to hug.

“Hey.”

“How’re ya doing?” Barom asked cheerfully.

“Good.” It was good to hear his voice. “And you?”

“Awesome,” Barom said. There was the sound of a crowd shouting something, urging on a fight or something.

“Where are you?” Jaejoon whispered.

“Just at a pub with some old mates.” Barom cleared his throat. “How’s, er, Samuel?”

And then there was the voice of a woman from the phone, obviously leaned close to Barom as she asked him to dance.

Jaejoon’s world went cold.

“I-I gotta go,” he stuttered into the mouthpiece, and ended the call abruptly. He stood up, kicked the door open, and stalked to the kitchen, when Minwoo was cooking.

Minwoo turned round. He was tall – taller than Jaejoon – with a long, straight nose and dyed blonde hair. He was smiling peacefully with his eyes, his mouth still a line.

“Can I have a cuddle?” Jaejoon asked weakly. Minwoo held out his arms and let Jaejoon sort of fall into them. They listened to the rain pitter-patter on the conservatory roof.

“I met somebody the other day,” Jaejoon said, a few minutes later, wiping his tears on the back of his hand. “He was wearing a ring like yours, but grey.”

“An ace ring?” Minwoo asked. “On this finger?” He poked the middle finger of Jaejoon’s right hand. At Jaejoon’s nod he replied, “he’s probably demi or something like that.”

“Okay.” Jaejoon readjusted his arms around his older brother. “Maybe I’ll ask him out.”

“What about Barom?”

Jaejoon frowned. “What /about/ Barom?”

“Have you broken up, then?”

“Not officially.”

“That’s all?”

“Yeah.”

~~~  
His name was Kim Taemin, and he was a world apart from Barom. He was taller, slimmer, paler, prettier, and so far Jaejoon had not been ditched for trashy girls with big boobs.

Taemin took a drink of his coffee. A bit of the frothy cream floating on the top got stuck to his upper lip, and Jaejoon wiped it off with his thumb, getting Taemin to lick the cream off. Jaejoon nearly cringed at how cute the older – he discovered – man was. He had no idea how he’d plucked up the courage to ask him to get coffee less than half an hour ago. Taemin was threatening-looking, and he had so many cool piercings – nose, eyebrow, tongue, ears – but so far he seemed to be a softy inside.

A /nose piercing/.

It was hot.

And the rings. He had at least three on each hand, most of them big and bulky.

“You’re really cool, you know that, Jaejoon?” Taemin laughed. “To be young and a teenager again!”

“I’m not that young,” Jaejoon complained.

“You’re cute.” Taemin bopped Jaejoon’s nose. He glanced over Jaejoon’s shoulder at the Boots on the other side to the café. “Ah, that’s my sister and Hyeri. I better get going.” He picked up the carrier bags that littered their table and nodded to Jaejoon. “Can I have your number?”

Jaejoon grabbed a biro from his rucksack and scribbled it on the back of Taemin’s slightly sweating hand. He was nervous. Well, that made two.

~~~  
“Who’re you going out with, Sammy?” Jaejoon asked Samuel at the dinner table.

Samuel widened his eyes. “What?”

Jaejoon indicated his neck, but Samuel shook his head and made a choking sign quickly.

“Hansol!” Minwoo coughed, hand over his mouth. He giggled, landing his fringe in his soup. Samuel kicked him under the table.

“Who’s Hansol?” Jaejoon started.

Several mouths opened to explain, but Samuel cut across them. “He’s my English tutor. He’s three years above me in school, and he wears flowery headbands. I have no idea where Minwoo got that thought from. He’s so not my type.”

“He’s American,” Minwoo said, batting his eyelashes in good imitation of Samuel.

“What does that matter?” Jaejoon scoffed. He jumped up suddenly at Minwoo slamming his arm down on the table. “Minwoo, don’t touch my hand!”

Minwoo turned to apologise, but Jaejoon had already leapt up and was washing his hands. He hated people touching his hands without permission, because it made them feel sticky and uncomfortable. His hands, not the people.

He washed his face as well, feeling the sensory heaven that water gave him, then returned to the soup.

“So, where did you go today, Jaejoon?” Mrs Lee asked him.

Jaejoon blew on his soup to make it cool. “That new shopping centre, The Glades? I was meeting one of my friends.”

“The one you told me about?” Minwoo asked, playing with his black ring. “The one with the ring like mine?”

Jaejoon nodded. “Yeah. He has lots of rings.”

The conversation lulled into more boring things like the price of milk and bread, and Jaejoon zoned out until he heard Minwoo say “No, Mum, I don’t want a girlfriend.”

“But Sooyoung is back in town for the weekend. You should meet up,” Mrs Lee was insisting.

Minwoo stood up, his chair scraping the floor in a way that made Jaejoon cringe. “No, Mum,” he said, “I don’t want a /girl/friend.” He walked out of the room.

Jaejoon ran after him immediately. He spotted Minwoo lying down on his bed, and sat down on his own sheets. “Well, now you’ve done it,” he said cheerfully.

Minwoo unlocked his phone and brought up a picture. It was a happy man with pointy ears and a huge smile. He had a bowl of food in front of him, and he was showing it to the camera. “This is Park Chanyeol,” he said. “I’ve been seeing him in secret for nearly four years.”

“Seriously?” Jaejoon nearly yelled. “I didn’t even know you’re gay!”

“No, I’m not. I’m asexual,” Minwoo said. He smiled. “What do you think? Do we make a cute couple?” He swiped to another picture, one of him and Chanyeol standing together on a pier.

“He’s tall,” Jaejoon noted, taking the phone from his brother. The two in the photo were dressed informally, leaning against a metal railing with the sea behind them, and their fingers were touching at the ends, like they had been caught holding hands, and were pulling them apart. “Yeah, yeah, you are.” He brushed the screen gently. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There wasn’t a right moment. You went away for high school soon after, and texting you it would have been anti-climatic.” Minwoo took the phone back, peering fondly at it. “That was in November. It was so romantic.” He locked the screen again. “It’s my favourite picture.”

“You should frame it.”

Minwoo shrugged. “Nah. It was more fun having a secret.”

“You seriously don’t think our parents will kick you out, do you?” Jaejoon scratched his head absently. “They tolerate me, and I’m hella gay.”

“Hella,” Minwoo repeated. “I’m hungry. Can you bring up my food, please?”

Jaejoon pushed his shoulder. “Get it yourself, lazy.”

“Excuse me,” Minwoo said, as sassily as he could, “I just came out to our parents in an awful way. I can’t face them. You go get the damn soup!”

As Jaejoon got up from his bed, brushing himself off, there was a knock on the door. “Hey, Minwoo,” Mrs Lee called. “Can I come in to talk?”

~~~  
There was a tap on Jaejoon’s shoulder as he peered through the keyhole of Minwoo’s room. “Do you know what they’re talking about?” Samuel asked.

“Probably Minwoo coming out,” Jaejoon replied, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. “Did you know—”

“That Minwoo has a boyfriend? Yeah, kind of.” Samuel cleared his throat, checking to see if their father was behind him. “I’ve narrowed it down to either Sehun or Chanyeol.”

“Sehun? That guy in Minwoo’s Gifted and Talented?” Jaejoon mentally shushed himself. “Why would you think it’s him?”

“Because he’s hot.” Samuel shrugged. “Minwoo used to like him.”

Jaejoon beckoned him closer. “It’s Chanyeol,” he whispered.

Samuel giggled. “I knew it!”

“Shush,” Jaejoon scolded. “I want to hear what they’re saying.” He looked through the keyhole again. Minwoo was crying on their mother’s shoulder, and she was comforting him.

“I’m sorry,” Minwoo said, still crying. “Jaejoonie’s gay and so am I and so Samuel’s your only hope for grandchildren.”

“It’s fine,” Mrs Lee said. “Grandchildren aren’t what’s on my mind right now. In fact, I’d rather no one get pregnant at the moment.” She rubbed Minwoo’s back. “You know you can adopt, if you wanted to.”

“I–” Minwoo screwed up his eyes, blushing. “I want you to meet my boyfriend as my boyfriend.”

“Okay.” Mrs Lee retracted her arm. “Text him. Invite him over, okay?"

Minwoo picked up his phone and tapped out a quick message. “Yeah, he says he’ll come round tomorrow.”

“It is Chanyeol?”

Minwoo chuckled nervously. “How did you know?”

“He’s the only person you ever go to see.” Mrs Lee sat up and hugged her eldest son again. “I love you, so I guess I’ll have to love him too.” She dragged her fingers through Minwoo’s damaged blonde hair. “How long have you been dating?”

Minwoo tucked up his feet, with his knees near his chin. “Since I turned seventeen.” When his mother looked stricken, he quickly added “But we never did much. And never when you or Dad or Samuel were in the house.”

“You poor boy,” Mrs Lee said, looking at her hands, a little ashamed that she hadn’t known; that her own son had been afraid of telling her. “You had to keep this secret from me so long.”

Minwoo started crying again. “I didn’t know... how you would react...”

“I’m so sorry.” She cuddled him close to her chest.

~~~  
Chanyeol sat on the edge of his seat, mug of tea clasped tightly in his hands as his eyes flicked between Mr and Mrs Lee. He declined Minwoo’s offer of a biscuit as politely as he could whilst shaking nervously. “Er, hello,” he said, stuffing as many honourifics into the sentence as he could. He bowed so low he nearly split the tea. He was kind of glad that Mr Lee had stuffed a ten thousand-won note into both of Jaejoon and Samuel’s hands to get them out of the way.

Yeah, he was kind of a cheapskate.

It didn’t matter. Samuel insisted they go to The Glades to look for more feminine clothing, and Jaejoon was weak to his demands. He handed Samuel his note, and trailed after him, debating texting Taemin. It being only a day since they met and exchange numbers and, despite the obvious attraction there it was probably too early to text, so he followed his brother into a cheap-ish punk shop and stopped thinking.

The music turned out too loud for Jaejoon, so he waited for Samuel a few shops down, in front of a posh bridal-wear boutique shop thing, where he watched a plain girl get fitted for the most sparkling dress he’d ever seen. It was cream, with a low neckline, and embroidered with patterns of high-quality sequins.

Jaejoon suddenly became aware of a presence next to him. He looked round. It was Taemin, but without all the piercings. He looked much more homely, and he was wearing polished black shoes and a grey suit jacket over a white t-shirt and jeans. If his mouth had been open, Jaejoon would probably have drooled. “Taemin,” he said, a little stunned.

Taemin burst out laughing. “Are you stalking me?” he asked, bright beam filling the entirety of his face. He hugged Jaejoon, and Jaejoon, out of surprise, found his hands slipping underneath the jacket to hug Taemin’s middle. He pulled back eventually, blushing. When did they become this comfortable?

Taemin seemed a little shaken up too, and glanced back over at the woman getting fitted for her wedding dress. “It’s great to see you, Jaejoon, but I probably ought to get back to choosing a best man suit for my friend.” He squeezed Jaejoon’s hand. “Text me.”

Jaejoon was not left for long to bask in the feeling of hugging Taemin, because Samuel arrived shortly after, holding up a neon skirt and tights. “Cute, right?”

Jaejoon sighed, and reached for his wallet. “You’ll need a tight-fitting, obscure-band t-shirt to go with that, then, won’t you?”

“Thanks, hyung!” Samuel bounded off to another shop.

~~~  
Chanyeol finally got to kiss Minwoo goodbye when he left; not just a quick peck on the cheek as Minwoo lay underneath his duvet, shyly hiding his naked torso in case any of his family came home to this. Chanyeol took Minwoo’s chin and pulled it to his level, cradling it gently, and turning his head to kiss Minwoo fully. It was probably only three seconds, but they felt Minwoo’s parents’ eyes on them the whole time.

“I’ll call you,” Minwoo said breathlessly. Chanyeol nodded shyly, and showed himself out quickly.

~~~  
A few days later, at the first chance they got to take out the new clothes, Jaejoon was thinking out a text to Taemin, lying on Samuel’s bed as the younger changed into his new clothes, when a text from Barom appeared.

R u still alive?

Still feeling upset, Jaejoon typed back.

Just.

Y u b mean 2 me? :’(

Type properly.

Barom sent a translation.

Fine, Joonie; why are you being mean to me? What have I done?

You had sex with a big-boobed blonde girl.

WHAT?!

Barom had pressed ‘call’, and Jaejoon wasn’t going to disappoint him. “What?” he demanded.

“What do you mean I had sex with a girl?” Barom was angry. He was practically growling.

“The girl on the phone who you danced with. You said you would dance with her. It’s a slippery slope.”

Barom sighed. “No, Jaejoon, don’t jump to conclusions.”

“Well, did you?”

“Did I do what, Jaejoon?”

“Have sex with her!”

“No!”

“Are you sure?!”

“Yes.” Barom was quiet again. “I’ve never looked at another person—”

“You looked at Kangjun-hyung!” Jaejoon protested.

Barom sighed again, much louder. “Jaejoon, my mother’s ill. You can’t judge me for going out to drink once in a while.”

“Yes, I can!” Jaejoon punched one of Samuel’s soft toys.

“If it’s making you this jealous...” Barom sounded faint. “...maybe we... maybe we should break up.”

Something in Jaejoon’s stomach dropped to his shoes. He pressed the ‘end call’ button before he could say anything that would make him sound desperate. He stood up and thumped Samuel’s wardrobe, then strode out to his bedroom. Minwoo was there, but he moved as soon as he saw Jaejoon’s anguish.

He tapped out a first message to Taemin. I just got broken up with, so don’t expect to me to text you much now.

A couple of minutes later Taemin replied. Is this Jaejoon?

He sent another message immediately afterwards. Do you want to talk about it?

Jaejoon replied. Maybe. Do you want to meet up?

Yes please! I can’t deal with any more wedding things!

Jaejoon smiled in one corner of his mouth. Taemin texted like his mother – too many exclamation marks. He received one more message from Taemin.

How about we meet at the park outside the cinema?

Sure.

~~~  
A few weeks later, they were in the same place. It was quiet, so they liked it.

“Why aren’t you wearing your piercings?” Jaejoon asked, playing with one of Taemin’s belt loops idly. They were sitting on a park bench on their third time there – their third date, Jaejoon like to tell himself.

Taemin licked a melting drip off the tip of his ice cream. It was a cold day, but there was an ice cream stand, and they bought one each.

“Because of Hyeri. She doesn’t want me to wear them at the wedding, so I’m getting used to being without them.”

“They’re beautiful,” Jaejoon said. Taemin had had three on each ear lobe, two at the top of the ear, a stud on his nose, and one on his tongue. He looked empty without them. “They’ll close over, though.”

“That’s the point.” Taemin exhaled. “Hyeri thinks they look, well, gay.”

“Being gay is not a bad thing,” Jaejoon complained. “I’m gay, my eldest brother’s gay-ace and my youngest sibling might be transgender. We’re very LGBT. Seriously.”

“Your family is hella queer,” Taemin said, poking Jaejoon’s forehead playfully.

“We are really queer.” Jaejoon laughed. “Then again, look at you, Mr Piercings.”

Taemin looked thoughtful. “Well, I am /pretty/ queer. I’m demisexual.”

“You’re pretty too,” Jaejoon said.

“I suppose I am.” /I should stop, I need to stop/, Taemin thought desperately.

Jaejoon studied him for a moment, like he was considering saying something, then threaded his fingers through Taemin’s hair and kissed him.

For a long time, Taemin’s hands hovered in mid-air, but he settled on resting them on Jaejoon’s waist. He could feel his entire being quivering with excitement.

/I need to tell him./

Taemin pulled back shyly, releasing his hold on Jaejoon’s waist. He closed his eyes. “Hyeri is...” When he opened his eyes again, Jaejoon was watching him with a big, brown, long-lashed stare. /How to say this?/

“She’s the bride, right?” Jaejoon asked, when Taemin’s silence had gone on too long.

“Yeah, she is.” Taemin gulped. /This is it./

“You’re the best man, am I right? How long have you known the groom?”

Taemin bit his lip. He could still say it.

“Yeah.” Now was obviously not the time. Jaejoon was giving him a puppy-dog look, like he was wondering if Taemin hadn’t enjoyed the kiss.

“Well?” Jaejoon snapped. He was an impatient person.

“You could say ‘all my life’,” Taemin answered vaguely.

Jaejoon seemed satisfied, and looked like he wanted to end the conversation.

“You know, she said I could keep one piercing,” Taemin blurted out.

Jaejoon raised an eyebrow. “Where is it?” he asked, playfully.

Taemin licked his lips. “Come and find out,” he suggested.

His tongue piercing, of course. But to feel it, Jaejoon had to use his tongue of course, so instead of telling Jaejoon /The Thing/, they ended up kissing for most of the afternoon.

Not that they were complaining.

~~~  
Choi Hansol was seventeen, of reasonable height and build, and he was very pretty. Samuel pinged the flowery headband on the tutor’s head to annoy him.

Jaejoon was texting Taemin over his cereal. He nearly missed his mouth a few times, and he paid no attention to the English tutor.

Minwoo coughed pointedly as Samuel started trying to talk to Hansol, grinning manically at Samuel. “Why don’t you go to your bedroom, Sammy?” he asked, winking. Trust the pervert to say that. Despite being asexual, Minwoo was sex-positive and read a lot of hentai. Jaejoon still remembered when he found Minwoo’s hidden stack underneath his bed.

“Er, yeah.” Hansol put a hand on Samuel’s shoulder. “I can teach you, er, that new vocabulary.”

Samuel’s hand suddenly grabbed the counter behind him. “H-how about the living room? More room to, er, spread my notes.”

“No, no, Sammy, let’s go to your room,” Hansol said.

Jaejoon glanced up at his younger brother’s fearful face. “Hey, come here,” Jaejoon said, not even looking at Hansol. He slapped Hansol’s upper arm, and raised his hand to do it again. “Stop being a pervert to my brother. Or I’ll get my strong boyfriend to beat you up.”

Minwoo scoffed. “Barom or Taemin, Joonie?”

“Taemin, duh. Have you /seen/ his arms?”

“No. You’ve successfully managed to keep him a secret from us so far,” Minwoo remarked drily.

~~~  
“Why are you so shy?” Jaejoon teased, squeezing Taemin’s knee in the dark. They were at the cinema, watching the newest sappy rom-com Taemin was obsessed with.

Taemin, never turning away from the film, whispered his reply. “You–” He paused. “I don’t want to be a rebound for you.”

“Why would you think that?” Jaejoon asked, and received complaints from the people behind them.

Taemin shrugged. “Barom broke up with you, and then we jumped into this relationship straight away. I don’t want to be just a, you know, second choice.”

“We’re in a relationship?!”

Taemin frowned. “Well, yeah.”

“So I can do this?” Jaejoon picked up Taemin’s hand and held it in his, entwining their fingers. Taemin’s digits were long and white and soft and his nails were short and bitten. He had three rings on: the grey one on his middle right finger; the tacky, huge, green one on his right pinkie; and a small one with a tiny red stone on his left first finger. Jaejoon’s hands were slightly rough as he played with Taemin’s left hand, stroking the palm. He couldn’t fake the racing heart beat Taemin felt as his fingers brushed Jaejoon’s inner wrist.

Taemin shifted slightly, leaning his head on Jaejoon’s shoulder. When Jaejoon looked down, he was smiling.

Jaejoon could never quite say the right words, so he just smiled back.

~~~  
“So, are you going to take me out for dinner at a fancy restaurant?” Taemin asked, an arm wrapped around Jaejoon’s waist as they walked down the road.

“Fat chance.” Jaejoon laughed. “Dancing doesn’t really pay much, and my job at the coffee shop was only temporary.”

“I was /joking/,” Taemin groaned. “Come round mine; I’ll cook us dinner.”

“What if I don’t want to come round?”

“I’m cooking bulgogi...”

Jaejoon twisted out of Taemin’s grip. “You planned this, right? So I’d have to come round?” He coughed. “I have to tell you, I’m not having sex on only our... fifth? ... seventh? date.”

“Tenth,” Taemin said. His stomach started to jump about at the thought of doing /stuff/ with Jaejoon. He’d known Jaejoon long enough to develop some kind of feelings for him, and recently he’d begun to dream about the younger man, about holding him in a way that was more than they had already. But, still. “And we don’t have to do... that. But we can if you change your mind.”

“Bulgogi it is, then.”

Despite their words, once Taemin had set the meat to marinate they were cuddled up on Taemin’s actually pretty nice sofa, a beer each in their hands.

“You know, hyung,” Jaejoon started, taking another gulp of his beer, “Barom was drunk the first time we–”

“Kid, don’t bring your ex into this,” Taemin snapped.

Jaejoon made an unreadable face, sighing. “Sorry. But I was just going to say kissed.”

Taemin’s phone started ringing, and he picked it up, groaning. “Just be a minute.” He walked into the kitchen. “Nah, nah, pink flowers are good. Or yellow.” A pause. “Yeah.” Another. “Yeah, mum, I love you. Bye.”

Jaejoon checked his reflection in his phone’s screen, and wondered briefly if he should do something sexy. He bit his lip, trying to see if it was attractive, but Taemin had come back into the room. Jaejoon blushed, and Taemin pinched his cheek. “Aigoo, so cute,” Taemin cooed, settling back next to Jaejoon.

“Wanna make out?” Jaejoon asked cheekily. Taemin kissed him in return, sliding his hand over Jaejoon’s cheek, and another around the younger man’s hip. It was so different to with Barom because Taemin didn’t try to take control. He let Jaejoon try tongues, feeling around for Taemin’s piercing, and let Jaejoon touch his clothed thighs and then, as Jaejoon’s hands tentatively moved to the zip of Taemin’s jeans, the alarm Taemin had set for the beef went off.

Jaejoon clapped his hands over his ears – he wasn’t a fan of loud noises – and Taemin turned off the alarm. He was feeling things about Jaejoon – things that he’d never felt before.

Confident. And so, so weak at the same time.

He grabbed Jaejoon’s hand and led it to the top of his thigh, willing Jaejoon to touch him.

Jaejoon didn’t respond at once, but after a few seconds ran his finger along the bit of pale skin just over Taemin’s belt. He looked far too focused. “Good foods always marinate longer,” he said.

~~~  
Jaejoon went home the next morning on top of the world. He was truly over Barom, and definitely in love with Taemin. He’d told Taemin this over breakfast, as he poured coffee. They’d shared knowing smiles.

He opened the front door to the Lee household, but was startled to find it silent. He peered into the sitting room and the kitchen, and made his way upstairs.

A skirt – the one Jaejoon had bought for Samuel – was laid out on Samuel’s bed. Mr and Mrs Lee were there, and Minwoo was sitting in the wicker chair Samuel had, and Samuel was hunched up on his bed.

Mrs Lee looked up. “Ah, Jaejoon. Come in.”

Mr Lee pointed at the skirt. “Samuel says that this is yours, Jaejoon, when found it in his room.”

Jaejoon glanced at Samuel’s pleading eyes. “Yeah, it is mine. Sorry,” he apologised to his parents, “it was just meant for dress up.”

Mr Lee cleared his throat. “Jaejoon, so far we have been tolerant of your and Minwoo’s alternative lifestyles, but you are a man, and you are to stay a man. No dressing up.” His shadow loomed up above Jaejoon’s as he got closer. “Understand me?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Jaejoon reached out to take the skirt, but his father picked it up between two fingers and flicked on a barbeque lighter.

“One wrong move and I’ll burn it.”

“No!” Samuel clapped a hand over his own mouth. “I mean, it’s... polyester. It’ll stink up the house for weeks.”

“Put it in the bin,” Jaejoon urged.

They did. And emptied the vacuum cleaner on top and dribbled orange juice and egg white over it. It was just spiteful, Jaejoon decided, holding his sobbing brother-slash-sister that night. Samuel was supposed to be their favourite child.

The only thing stopping Jaejoon from scooping up Samuel and driving him right to Seoul, to his dancing and his university and to Barom’s flat was Taemin. And that he couldn’t drive yet.

Oh wait. Taemin could.

~~~  
“What do you do for a living?” Samuel asked Taemin. He was stuck in the back of Taemin’s pleasant-smelling family car – everything Taemin owned was nice – with crosswords and sudokus and Minwoo’s old Nintendo DS.

“I check up on large-scale banks,” Taemin replied. “See how they’re operating; advise them.”

“And you go with the piercings?” Samuel asked, in awe.

“Yeah. I pretend to be the delinquent son of really rich parents who needs a savings account sometimes.”

Samuel looked thoughtful. “Is it fun?”

“It’s alright. It pays well.”

Jaejoon had just nodded off for the second time when Taemin touched his hand. “We’re here.”

~~~  
Barom’s flat was exactly how he remembered it before they both left for winter with their families. It was untouched, and a thin layer of dust had started to settle over it.

Jaejoon took off his shoes and turned on the light. Their bed – well, Barom’s – was still made, so that they could just sleep when they reunited, no hassle of changing covers or whatever.

His thoughts were rambling. He stared at the pillows for a minute, debating getting Taemin to roll around on them so that they smelt like him and his perfume, rather than Barom’s all-too-familiar cheap body spray.

Taemin and Samuel had started eating the takeaway they’d bought as they came into Seoul. Jaejoon picked up chopsticks and ate, keeping up the pretence of being fine. It was for Samuel.

~~~  
The rest of the trip was highly uneventful. The most interesting thing that had happened was when they visited Kangjun, and he and Kangjun’s partner Hyunil had had a shouting match in the kitchen where they thought Taemin couldn’t hear. It transpired that Kangjun had been Hyeri’s boss at some point, and they all laughed stiffly, pretending that they hadn’t heard the words ‘our father’ and ‘brothers’ in the context of the couple.

Soon after they returned to Seoul, when Hansol was round teaching Samuel some English phrases for his mock exam, Jaejoon decided to surprise them for all of their hard work. Samuel had been increasingly stressed about the English mock, and had spent more time with Hansol than ever.

They were friends, sure.

Jaejoon didn’t expect them to be cuddled up quite like /that/, Samuel sitting between Hansol’s open legs, Hansol sliding a hand up the bottom of Samuel’s t-shirt, Samuel red in the face. Jaejoon’s mouth dropped open. “Samuel!” he gasped, turning red as well, mostly at the thought of someone walking in on him and Taemin, but a lot because this was his /brother/, his /baby brother/ who was only fifteen.

Samuel jumped up, pressing a finger to his mouth, blushing hard. “It’s not like that!”

“He’s eighteen, Samuel,” Jaejoon argued, frowning. “He’s an adult, and you’re only fifteen. You can’t have sex with him! You’re a kid, Sammy–”

“You don’t understand love!” Samuel yelled back, shying back into Hansol’s embrace. “You never understand anything! You’re just stupid!” He sat down, looking at Hansol for confirmation to go ahead. “Don’t interfere in /my/ life.” He screwed up his face. “You’re not a good older brother.”

Jaejoon turned on his heel, pushing past Minwoo in the hallway to run out, and down the road.

~~~  
Taemin was dressed smartly when Jaejoon arrived, a collared shirt and a black tie. He looked surprised to see Jaejoon when he opened the door. No piercings.

“Please,” the younger man rasped, sitting down on Taemin’s bed and leaning forward to face his knees. “I don’t want you to see me like this. I’m so sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” Taemin stroked Jaejoon’s back. “And don’t worry; we all have our moments.”

Jaejoon had to take several gulps of air to answer. “It’s not that. I’m a freak. I just thought I could hide it.”

“What do you mean?” Taemin was kind, even in Jaejoon’s worst moments.

“I’m autistic. I can’t make people understand what I say, or understand what they say. And I always have the wrong reaction to stuff.” Jaejoon paused for breath.

“What makes you think that you’re a freak, then?” Taemin hugged Jaejoon quickly. “Loads of people are autistic.”

Jaejoon looked at his hands. “Samuel– he said t-that I’m no good at a brother. I mean as. I’m not a good big brother. And that’s why.”

Taemin looked startled. “Tell me what happened,” he asked.

Jaejoon related everything perfectly, word by word, hiccupping as he did. By the end he wasn’t crying, just drawing circles on Taemin’s knee.

He was calm enough. Taemin /had/ to tell him /now/. “Jaejoon, there’s something I need to tell you,” Taemin said suddenly, as the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get that.” Jaejoon was down the stairs and at the door before Taemin could protest, opening it.

Taemin skidded to a halt in the hallway in front of the visitor. “Jaejoon, Hyeri is–”

Hyeri kissed Taemin on the lips. Jaejoon let out the tiniest of breaths.

Taemin covered his face with his hands. “Jaejoon, Hyeri is my fiancée.”

“Okay.” Jaejoon took a deep breath, frowning. His face twitched. “Um, it was fun while it lasted, Taemin, but if you’re a lying, cheating scumbag like the rest...” He cleared his throat. “Bye.”

Hyeri glanced at Taemin. “You were seeing him behind my back?”

“Hyeri–”

“No.” She held up a hand. “I knew those piercings were making you gay.” She pulled open a drawer and shoved its contents – Taemin’s earrings, his nose ring, his lip one, his rings – into Jaejoon’s arms. “Take them and go.”

She then took hold of Taemin’s arm and dragged him, unco-operative, up the stairs. His face crumpled as the front door slammed shut. Hyeri dumped him on the bed and climbed on top of him. “Just shut up, okay?”

~~~  
There was a river running through Daegu, and Jaejoon went up on the bridge. There were a few people loitering by the bridge, and he threw a few bits of gravel into the water.

There were bunches of flowers, so, so many. Notes and cards and teddy bears tied to the railing, lying dead there.

Jaejoon didn’t want to become just another name, another memory.

A man, Minwoo’s partner Chanyeol by the looks of his pointy ears, ran towards him. “Jaejoon!” he shouted. “Don’t jump!”

Jaejoon hadn’t realised he’d got onto the wall. He climbed off, embarrassed, and let Chanyeol hold him tight for a while.

“Hey,” Chanyeol said, squeezing Jaejoon’s middle. “Samuel’s so sorry. He didn’t mean any of it, I swear.”

Jaejoon shook his head tiredly. He just wanted it all to be alright again. “It’s okay. You gotta let it all out sometimes. If you bottle it all up forever it’ll hurt.”

“Since when did you become so philosophical?” Chanyeol shrugged off his rain coat and dangled it over Jaejoon’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you home. They’re all worried sick.”

~~~  
Once he was home, Jaejoon half-heartedly accepted Samuel’s sincere begs to forgive him, and went to his room. Minwoo was on Jaejoon’s bed, holding his brother’s phone and fiddling with it nervously. He looked up. “Jaejoon, are you alright?” he asked.

“Uh.” Jaejoon flopped onto Minwoo’s bed, still eating toast or whatever was in his hand.

Minwoo held in the urge to reprimand him for eating in bed, but moved to sit with him. “What happened?”

“Samuel said the stuff he said–”

“Yeah, I know that,” Minwoo interrupted, unable to wait his turn. Jaejoon fixed him with a puppy dog look.

“And I went to Taemin’s–” Jaejoon choked back a sob. He was probably being too emotional, but his eyes were threatening to run over with tears again. “He was dressed all smart, like he was going some place posh, an– and I was crying and all, and–” He let Minwoo sweep him up in his arms and started crying for real, salt water gushing down his face, not for the first time that day. He fumbled with his trouser pocket, trying to find one of the rings to play with. “His fiancée was there,” he said finally. “His female fiancée. He’s been… he’s been lying all this time.”

“Oh no.” Minwoo was unsure of how to comfort Jaejoon. He rubbed his back consolingly. “There, there.”

Jaejoon took another bite of the toast, looking seriously miserable. “Do I just… attract cheaters or something?”

“Two.” Minwoo held up two fingers. “That’s not much.” He climbed off his own bed and towards the CD player. “I have a song on here like that. Like your story. Can I play it? It might make you feel better.”

“Sure,” Jaejoon mumbled, putting his face on Minwoo’s pillow. Minwoo fiddled around with the disks until he found the song. Simple Plan’s ‘You Suck At Love’ filled the little green room – green being the most calm colour in their lives – and Minwoo went back to holding Jaejoon.

Jaejoon pushed him off gently, and emptied his pockets. The rings and piercings lay, lifeless, in the middle of the dinosaur-patterned duvet cover, seeming forlorn in themselves. “She gave them to me,” he said, touching each of the rings in turn. He picked up the black fang Taemin used to wear through his right ear lobe.

Minwoo inspected the nose ring. “He seems cool.”

Jaejoon spread his hands over the small pile of metal objects. “He was.” He wiped his eyes on Minwoo’s shoulder. “What do I do with all these?”

His brother shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe Samuel will have an idea.”

~~~  
A month and a half later, Taemin woke up with a heavy feeling in his heart. It was the day he went up in church and said his lies in front of Hyeri.

His wedding day.

Aaron poked him out of bed, dressed him and fed him. “It’s almost like you don’t want to marry her, Tae!”

“I don’t.”

The church was pretty and full of sunlight; it was a perfect day. The high, stained glass windows depicting the Crucifixion, the stone being rolled away, and, randomly, Abraham, cast different coloured patches onto the floor. There were dark wooden pew, Jesus’s words from the Last Supper carved into them. The flowers were pink and yellow, as he said, spilling out of brackets on the walls, and ribbons decorated the end of the pews.

There were families filing in, all in pastel colours, the women wearing silly hats and the men white flowers on their lapels.

Taemin felt so fake.

The ceremony processed.

“Do anyone know of any reason why these people may not be joined in marriage?” the minister asked.

The doors at the front of the church burst open. A yell. Finally. “Yes! I’m in love with the groom.”

“What?!”

Barom. Barom was there, two rows from the back. He had never looked better, wearing a suit, or sounded better than when he yelled “Jaejoon?”

“’Rome?!”

“/You’re/ Barom?” Taemin ran down the aisle, ignoring Hyeri’s shouts. “Stop the ceremony, please!”

~~~  
There was a small kind of bandstand, surrounded by red rose bushes, in the park next door, and Jaejoon lead them to it. Before they even sat, Barom opened his mouth.

“Joonie, I’m so sorry.”

Jaejoon shook his head. “I’m sorry. I accused you when I didn’t even–”

“No.” Taemin sat down. “I didn’t tell you about Hyeri. It’s completely my fault. I’m so, so sorry.” He loosened his tie nervously. “Why are you even here? I… it was cheating.”

“Tae,” Jaejoon said, “I saw your face when she took you away. You couldn’t fake that, and I know I’m probably jumping to conclusions here as well but… what happened?”

“Exactly what you’d think,” Taemin responded drily. “I’m sorry.” He glanced at Barom. “Jaejoon, I love you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaejoon stroked Taemin’s soft, pale face out of habit.

“I wanted to give us a chance, you know? I’ve never actually liked anyone before.”

“Serious?” Barom said, surprised.

“What about you, Barom?” Jaejoon asked, as if he’d only just noticed he was there.

“What about me?” Barom scoffed. “I slept with her. Of course. /After/ you broke up with me; smashed my heart to smithereens.” He hung his head. “I was trying to make you jealous, but I never really got the chance to tell you what I did. I know it was wrong.”

“How... how did it feel?” Jaejoon gripped Taemin’s shoulder tighter than he probably should.

“Wrong,” Barom said bluntly. “I hated it.”

“Why?” Taemin asked, but he already knew the answer.

“Because it wasn’t Jaejoon.”

“So you... you never cheated?” Jaejoon sat up straighter.

Barom covered his face with his hands. “No, Joonie, I would never, ever cheat. Ever. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Jaejoon leant his head against Barom’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I ever accused you of it.”

Barom held Jaejoon to him. “I’m sorry I ever gave you cause to.”

Taemin could have left then. Could have gone back to the church and married Hyeri because the Right People were together again, and he and Jaejoon had been the Wrong Couple.

He edged around the seat away from the embracing couple. His chest was tight and melting at the same time and he couldn’t form coherent thoughts.

“Where are going?” Jaejoon called, once he noticed.

Taemin stood up. “I’m going to go and pretend to be straight forever. What other choice do I have? Er, bye. I wish you, er, all the luck and–”

“No!” the other two both cried, and they looked at each other. They stared at each other, stuttering out /if/s and /but/s and /you/s.

“Taemin,” Barom said, taking Jaejoon’s hand in his own. “Do you... want to be with Jaejoon?”

Taemin nodded, tearing the white flower off his lapel and shredding it between his fingers.

“Then,” Barom looked at Jaejoon again, “why can’t we both see him at the same time?”

Taemin jumped a little. “That’s... that’s...”

“If you wanted to,” Jaejoon added. “No pressure.”

“Do... do you want to?” Barom asked, licking his bottom lip nervously.

Taemin glanced at his fists and uncurled them. “Yeah.” He sat down again. “How... how would it work?”

“I dunno.” Jaejoon said.

Barom looked back at the church. “Let’s make it up as we go along. But, er, Taemin, you’ve got a wedding to cancel.”

~~~  
“Xu Minghao!” Minwoo announced loudly to his family gathered in the living room waiting for them. Minwoo had an anxious four year-old clinging to his and Chanyeol’s hands. He knelt next to Minghao, pointing at each family member in turn. “This is Grandma, that’s Grandad, Uncle Jaejoon, Uncle Taemin, Uncle Barom and Uncle Samuel–”

Samuel dropped to his knees. “Hi, Minghao! I’m your Uncle Samuel!” He looked closer at the child’s face. “Minwoo, you’re right. He does look a lot like Chanyeol.”

Minghao whispered something in Chinese to his new fathers. Minwoo mumbled something back. He wasn’t skilled in the boy’s language yet.

“He said you’re crowding him,” Chanyeol said, pushing Samuel off the kid. He reached inside a Dora The Explorer rucksack they’d brought with them, and pulled out a Thomas The Tank Engine sippy cup. He handed it to Minwoo, who took it to the kitchen and filled it with extra-diluted blackcurrant squash for Minghao to drink.

The boy settled himself on the sofa, between Barom and Taemin. He opened his cute little mouth and asked Chanyeol something else in Chinese, looking at Barom.

“I don’t know; you’ll have to ask him,” Chanyeol replied in Korean.

Minghao lifted a hand so it hovered uncertainly over Barom’s strong arm. “Please?” he asked, licking his red lips nervously.

As Minghao giggled, holding Barom’s bicep as the man flexed it slowly, Jaejoon remembered the foster kid’s story. He’d lived with his grandmother since his parents died overseas, and recently his grandmother had met a similar end. Minghao tested Barom’s other arm to see if it was the same. He seemed so excited. If all went well, Minwoo and Chanyeol would adopt him.

Minwoo and Chanyeol had met with Minghao few times before. They’d taken him out to the carnival a couple of weeks ago, and Jaejoon had heard a lot about the kid.

The one thing he wasn’t going to like was that Minwoo was leaving. He and Chanyeol had found a house – just down the road, three bedrooms – and anyway, Jaejoon was going to have to go back to Seoul soon. He was starting university, and after a few-month break from the dance group, they were threatening to kick him out.

It helped that he was among the youngest and best there, but he needed to get back.

And, of course, Taemin would be coming with them. It transpired that Hyeri and the best man Aaron were better suited, Aaron being a straight male for starters, but Taemin didn’t want to risk running into her. He’d got a job as an assistant manager in a small shop in Seoul anyway, so he didn’t have to worry.

Jaejoon took Taemin’s hand within his own. “You alright?” he asked.

“I’m going to miss this,” Taemin said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Samuel said. “Seoul will be so fun you’ll forget about us.”

“How could I forget the person who walked in on me with no pants on?” Taemin retorted. They all burst out laughing.

~~~  
As Jaejoon wandered aimlessly around the garden centre, keeping a firm eye on Samuel, he wondered what life would be like without Minwoo. /Much like when I was in Seoul/, he mused, watching a child beg her mother for a fish to have as a pet. He’d grown so accustomed to having his older brother around – and his younger for that matter – that he didn’t know how he was going to feel. He would probably be upset, but Barom’s flat wouldn’t be empty and so he wouldn’t be alone.

He glanced up at Barom and Taemin. They waved at him from inside the little café the centre had. Taemin would have asked for tea – no sugars, just milk – and Barom something like coffee and a cake, which they’d have eaten – shared – long ago.

Samuel’s friend Dongjin had told them what it was that they had. Poly-something was what he called it.

Jaejoon watched the subtle-yet-not-so-subtle way Barom touched Taemin’s wrist, catching his attention. They were smiling at each other in a deep way that made Jaejoon’s heart ache.

Oh yeah. Polyamory.

It was normally one person in the relationship seeing two people or more at once, committed to all of them, with all partners consenting. That was kind of what it was, but that didn’t mean that Barom and Taemin didn’t have somewhat intense feelings for each other.

Samuel was looking at pots for plants. Ceramic, plastic, et cetera. He stepped back, more bored than he could even begin to explain, and stepped onto someone’s foot. He tripped and fell at the stranger’s feet.

“I’m so sorry!” The person scrambled to help him up from the floor.

“No, it’s my fault,” Samuel said, trying to catch his breath in front of– /Wow, this guy is attractive/, he thought, not letting go of the stranger’s hand.

“No; I wasn’t looking where I was going,” the guy said. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll buy you a flower pot.” He looked at the pots. “Which one do you want?”

“None of them, thanks.” Samuel put his hands in his hoodie pockets. “I was forced to come here.”

“Oh well.” The guy sighed. “I’m Jaewon.”

“Samuel.”

Jaewon fiddled with the strings of his own hoodie. “I use he/him pronouns, by the way.”

“Okay,” Samuel said. “Er, they/them for me I guess.”

“You’re trans too?” Jaewon grinned brightly.

“You’re trans?” Samuel squeaked, then they pressed a finger to their lips. “No one knows. About me, I mean.”

Jaewon glanced around. “Yeah, it’s like that with my parents. I’ve only just left home and started transitioning.”

“Cool.” Samuel sat down on a few hard packs of wooden gravel stuff, and beckoned Jaewon to sit next to them. “What’s it like, changing your name and stuff? And are you on hormones or whatever?”

“Er.” Jaewon shrugged. “A. Difficult. B. No, too expensive.”

“Seriously?” Samuel looked up into Jaewon’s shy eyes. “How much does it cost? And would you consider it? And what surgeries are there? And–”

“Hey.” Jaewon patted Samuel’s knee. “Shut up. I know nothing about the surgeries. I just know I’m a guy is all.”

“Sorry.” Samuel looked at their shoes. “I’ve never met a trans person before. At least not knowingly.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for snapping.” Jaewon looked at Samuel’s family walking towards them at about fifty paces. “Do you really want to change your body? You don’t have to.”

Samuel shrugged. “Maybe.”

A corner of Jaewon’s mouth lifted in a smile. “I can give you advice, you know, if you want. About the other stuff with your transition and coming out to your friends and stuff. I’ve done that all.”

“Yeah, that would actually be awesome. Thank you.” Samuel pulled out their phone. “Can I have your number? Would that be okay?”

Jaewon nodded. “Of course.” He inputted his phone number, and handed it back. “Any questions… you know.”

“Thank you.” Samuel stood up. “This is, er, my family. I should go.”

“Hey, Samuel,” Jaewon stopped them. “I just want you to know: you’re the first person I actually introduced myself as male to first time.”

“I’m glad,” Samuel said. “I’ll see you.”

“I’ll see you too.” As Jaewon watched Samuel’s retreating back, he knew that he’d see a lot more of that young person.


End file.
